Anyone who knows me on a personal level, knows I like a good inspirational quote. If I come across one that resonates, I save it and share it in case someone else needs it. Most of these quotes touch on things I want to say... but never to the degree that I'm feeling things. I love writing and expressing myself, (obviously) so it just clicked. "Why don't I make some of my own?!"
As a thought comes to me, I try to put it down in that moment. They come out, how they come out. Sometimes it's just like I'm talking to you, one on one. Sometimes it's a general message. And sometimes it's like a full on mantra. I never know where I'm going with a thought/writing until I'm done and hit the save button. Often times, I pick them apart and wish I'd have worded something different... but it's just a little thing I've been doing when a thought comes that I feel compelled to put down.
I've put them out regularly on my pages and they haven't really hit anyone or resonated. That was discouraging at first. I asked myself, "Is what you're doing annoying people?" I started envisioning people's thoughts on what I was putting out. They were all negative and condescending. "Who are YOU trying to be?" "Okay... Gandhi" And all the scoffs and eye rolls. This is what I am familiar with, so this is always my instinctual reaction. The difference is... I don't care anymore. I know it's happening, as it always has my entire life... but the beautiful thing of it is, it no longer holds weight with me. This is how I know I am healing. Is the negativity still there in the back of my mind? Sure. It most likely always will be. My environment is toxic, but I understand it better now. I used to second guess and doubt myself based off of other people opinions, reactions, rejection, etc. All of that is done. It was a test that I've finally passed. A trauma that I've finally overcome. No hate. No hard feelings. I understand it now and I'm leaving it behind with a previous version of myself.
I'm standing in my power with different things now. It hasn't been easy getting here. It's still not. I still have some soul crushing days. Shit gets heavy and I need to set it down and rest, but I always pick it back up and keep pushing forward. Always. So, no... my blog, my inspirational quotes and my TikTok's aren't really resonating with the majority of my family and friends. So be it. I'm not going to stop because of it. That's not the point of what I am doing. This is for me. This is for the people who DO need the things I write. If it helps one person, then it was worth it to me. So I've kept writing and putting it out there.
Today, however, was a little different. Today, I decided to step outside of my comfort zone a little more... and get extra vulnerable. It was the best thing... I could have done. I am on a handful of different groups on Facebook, that are home to other empaths, people going through spiritual awakenings, light workers, mediums, etc. Groups of people who are going through things similar to me from all over the world. I gathered my courage and decided to share a few of my inspirational quotes on those pages. I figured I might get a like or two and that would be good enough for me. As long as I'm putting it out there and someone who needs it, finds it, then I've done what I've set out to do.
I was... so taken back by what happened. My posts exploded! So many people resonated. People by the dozens we commenting and thanking me. They were sending love, telling me they are breaking down in restaurants crying reading them because they felt seen or not alone. People have been sharing them by the hundreds. One guy that shared one of my quotes, captioned it as: "This soul, expression artist, and inspiring poet wrapped into a human skin is spreading positivity around." I didn't realize how much I needed that today. I was never going to stop being me and doing what I do... but today... people saw me... and felt me... and loved what I was about. And, I really... really needed that. Had I stayed in old patterns and doubted myself, or lacked the courage to put myself out there in a bigger way... I'd have never had today.
Did you know, when I first started this website up... coworkers emailed me from a fake email and thanked me for being inspirational. They were making fun of me. For a solid day, I didn't know it was a fake email and I got really excited. I even screenshot the email and shared it with a friend in excitement, saying "Look! I'm really doing it!" The next day... they brought it up in front of everyone and started laughing. My eyes darted to my friend in embarrassment, then back to my coworkers and I laughed it off. "Haha, you got me!" Deep down though, it crushed me. I know that what I am doing, doesn't make sense to the people around me. And truly, it's okay. I have excepted that this is the environment I was supposed to be in. It's the hard times, the times of hurt, that propel you forward. You have two choices... let it beat and break you... or allow it to be an opportunity for healing and growth. I think it's clear which choice I made.
I'm finding my people... my soul tribe. I'm touching lives that need what I have to offer. And I know I'm on the right path for so much more growth. I keep soldiering on. I am so grateful for what today has given me. Fresh flowing air to lift my sails. I used to scribble lyrics in notebooks all throughout my youth and young adult life. I'm feeling drawn back to that. I've always been too intimidated and unsure of my singing/music abilities. Maybe it's time I focus some of my energy and new found courage towards that life long dream. Why not?!? What's stopping me?!? Nothing. Not anymore.
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