I haven’t written in a while. There is no real reasoning for it, I’ve actually been feeling pretty good. I’m in a good place for the most part, just sort of flowing with my life. I don’t feel that ticking clock as strongly as I once did. I’m not consumed by my stagnant circumstances. I’m not feeling impatient with myself and I have zero expectations of everyone around me. It has been a very freeing and peaceful experience.
As you know, I have been writing little (potentially) inspirational quotes and sharing them on some like minded groups on Facebook. They have been well received by hundreds and thousands of people. That in itself is pretty cool, but the best thing about it is… I’m helping people in my own small way. At the very least, they don’t feel alone in the things they are going through. And I don’t either now. It’s a pretty win/win situation, which is a nice cherry on top. The things I write about come from a lot of different places. Sometimes it’s things I’m personally going through and need to vent, pep talk, or remind myself. And sometimes I will hear a collective tarot reading on TikTok and reflect on what the reader is saying a collective group of people are currently going through. I can very easily channel the feelings they’d be having due to what they’re going through and I’ll write for them. And sometimes a thought will simply just pop in my head out of nowhere, and I’m drawn to write.
There is a theory that the inner voices you hear in your head are not always you talking. Sometimes it is your angels or spirit guides talking to you. The trick to knowing, which voice is which. It is how you receive the messages, that determines if it’s you or if it’s them. If you hear “I” in your head like, “I need to get up and switch the laundry.” That is you telling yourself to do something. If you hear “You” in your head, that is them giving you guidance. That blew my mind. I have been trying to pay more attention to that. My mind is constantly going. There is rarely ever a silent moment in my head. I always feel like I am talking to myself or thinking through things 24/7. Maybe all this time… I haven’t just been having an inner monologue with myself. Maybe all this time… it’s been something more. It’s very interesting.
So, sometimes it’s like that for me. “You need to write about this.” Or… the “You” isn’t spoken but the insistent urge is there. You can’t ignore it. It’s like a NEED to write this down. So, that is where most of those little writings come from and also these wordy blogs. Which brings me to today, to right now. I had a random urgency to write about triggers, insecurities, and healing. So maybe you need to hear this.
We all have triggers and insecurities, all of us. And man… they’re tough. We develop these things over time, people, and troubling situations. We change and adapt in these hurtful and uncomfortable situations, thereby, evolving us into different versions of ourselves. It’s unfortunately the nature of the beast. These things aren’t happening TO you though. They are happening FOR you. You are meant to have a full-on human experience: Love, pain, hurt, reflection, learning, growth, healing, joy, peace.. all of it. In order to get the full experience, you have to go from caterpillar to butterfly. Actually, we’re more like the phoenix. Burning and growing with new life, over and over and over again, but I won’t get into that here.
Insecurities and triggers are similar in that they both come from pain. Your insecurities typically form from traumas and can start very early in life. As a little kid you are soaking everything up. Everything is a magical new experience, journey, and lesson. Not everything you experience as a child is magical though. People are flawed, every single one. Your parents are flawed, they’re human, they have trauma they need to heal from. Most are just trying their best, but all unknowingly cause trauma. There is no escaping it. Hurt people, hurt people. And we are all hurting. There is no way you can do everything right, always. Everyone has their own individual minds. A person can think they are being funny and lighthearted in innocent fun, but it is not always received that way from the other person. Miscommunications are notorious for causing unneeded issues and rifts between people. We are so prone to internalizing things and letting our insecurities dictate the thoughts in our heads. And most people won’t say anything about it. We take out lumps, sit with it in silence, and let it eat at us. Thereby causing unnecessary insecurity after insecurity. We are our own worst enemies. More often than not, we are the ones hurting ourselves. We are the ones beating ourselves up and painting these unsavory pictures of ourselves in our head. Half the time, what we think people are thinking about us… are not even the case. We make it all up. The trick is, loving yourself. And sadly, that’s hard to do.
Society in general thrives off of making people feel like shit about themselves. The media/celebrities/magazines/advertising it’s their business to tell you “If you don’t wear this, or drink this, or smell like this, or look like this… you’re a piece of shit!” It’s engrained in us and its total bullshit. People should be celebrated on their uniqueness. Why the hell can’t we normalize that?
Ranting aside, you have to see past all of that nonsense. You have to take the time to fall back in love with yourself. It’s not an easy process. You literally have to unlearn everything you’ve learned your entire life. Strip it all down to the bare bones. You have to look at everything individually. Hold it up and ask yourself, “Is this me? Or is this some garbage I picked up along the way to make myself feel safe or comfortable. Do I even like this about myself?” You decide, but you have to be brave and put the time and effort in. I promise you… there is nothing in this world more important than rebuilding yourself into the person you want to be. There is nothing more valuable than becoming your most authentic self again. Nothing. Not even your children, which is an outlandish thing to say, I know… but hear me out. If you are operating your life as the trauma filled robot this world has made you… you are only going to cause your children more trauma that THEY will need to later learn to heal from. You know how hard it is to overcome that hurt, those insecurities, the triggers. If you knew you could break that cycle for them… wouldn’t you?
I am not perfect by any means. I still have insecurities and triggers, but I’m very aware of them now. I am working really hard to overcome them. So, how exactly do you do that? Well, here are a few steps that I have been using:
#1: Identify the trigger or insecurity when it rears its ugly head. Being aware of what is going on inside you is a huge first step in healing and overcoming the problem.
#2: Ask yourself why you’re feeling triggered or insecure. Hit the pause button before you react or overthink and ask yourself, where is this coming from? Then dive into that. It will likely get very uncomfortable. You’re going to relive some pretty difficult times, but you can’t run away or quit. It doesn’t help anything. Take it from one avoider to another… it doesn’t make the problem go away. It will only continue to fester and grow if you don’t cut it out. It is a cancer.
#3: Handle the situation with grace, kindness and understanding. Part of the healing process is not blaming others for the triggers and insecurities you’re facing. Remember… hurt people… hurt people. You are not guilt free in this either. You hurt people too, whether you meant to or not. You have to forgive them. You have to forgive yourself. Just try to be better.
#4: Repetition. Stick with it. You’re going to keep feeling insecure. You’re going to keep getting triggered. Keep trying to push through it and handle it better and better each time. You’re not always going to get it right. You’re not always going to react how you want. Do not let that throw a wrench in things. Don’t quit over one overreaction here and there. This trauma you’re trying to chip away at, didn’t develop overnight. And it’s not going to go away over night either. What matters, is that you are trying. Every single day. It gets easier and easier the more you work at it, and some ever go away completely over time.
Look at every trigger as an opportunity to test your growth, to see where you are at with your healing. You can do it; I know you can. I’m an Aries, guys. We are all about impulsive rage. Big feelings, big actions, all the time. And I am at peace. I’m not 100% healed, I probably never will be. I’m human. I make mistakes. But I have come a looooooong way from where I once was, not all that long ago. I am looking forward to seeing how far I can go. You’ve got this. Heal yourself. You are so incredibly worth it!
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